Enemies of the Heart: Offense

To say I have never been offended, would certainly be untrue. I have dealt with offense on many occasions and levels. Even now I still need to daily release back to God “everyone and everything” that threaten to overtake my thinking, as John Eldridge writes.

I have been offended with how I perceived I should be treated. Offended within friendships. 

I have dealt with offense at Instagram pictures and feelings of exclusion. I am no stranger to a perceived injustice. 

I’m often left wondering what came first. Was it unkind words spoken or was it the way I heard the words spoken? Was it my perception of the intentions spoken? Was there real maliciousness to hurt and shame me or was it my heart that was weary of defending the arrows aimed at my triggers, my previous hurts, and sorrows; my armour a bit tattered?

Maybe my ‘rights” and “feelings” were taking center stage, demanding justice and acknowledgement. Stamping feet and crying foul play, my offended heart seeking its own justification for my now bitter and angry behaviour my eye for an eye and tooth for a tooth mentality, using hurtful words of my own to retaliate and recoup some of my fallen pride. 

I have heard the only person offence hurts, is you. You are the person who carries the offence and thinks about it and mulls over it and thinks “what if…”  

One of Jesus’s best friends betrayed him. Jesus didn’t retaliate. In fact, the Bible says he kissed him. 

One of the most beautiful and famous teachings of Jesus is called the beatitudes. 

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted.

Blessed are the meek,

for they will inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger

and thirst for righteousness,

for they will be filled.

Blessed are the merciful,

for they will be shown mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart,

for they will see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers,

for they will be called children of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” – Matthew 5:3

Jesus clearly teaches that when offence and injustice is done toward us we should rejoice because “great is our reward in heaven.”

So, here are three ways I’ve learned to keep a soft heart.  

1)     Keep to your own lane:

Focus on what God is doing in your life, stop comparing with others. For me this means focusing on my casual work at my bookshop not constantly looking for an escape route. It means focusing my energy on my family and husband. It also means staying within the lanes of my calling and gifting and being true to my capacity to outwork these callings within my family, church, and work life. Practically it means responding to the nudges I hear and sometimes saying words and prayers for those people God leads into my life. Nothing more, nothing less. I give honour to my now, and what’s in my hands and I leave the future into Gods hands as he sees fit. 

2)     Believe the best of everyone:

Make your default thinking pattern that there is goodness in everyone. Maybe that person has been rude or said unkind words directly to you. Believe the best anyway.  

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is  not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no  record of wrongs. – 1 Corinthians 13:4

We will never know what people have lived or are living and why they react in certain ways. There is picture going around on social media that shows the tip of the iceberg, which is all we see, what we fail to see and acknowledge is the actual humongous iceberg under the water. The point being that we never know what’s going on for people under the water we only see the tip of the person life and how we perceive it.

3)     Meet offense with kindness:

Direct your arrows back at offense with kindness, not fake christianese. True kindness. It is hard to stay offended at someone you are loving. Find ways to be kind.  Kind words, kind gifts, kind acts of service, kind affection.  

As I’ve said before, I am no expert in being unoffended. Often I need to work it through, talk it out with God or journal it. It can be so easy to go the simple route and hold bitterness and rage and angst in our heart at what he or she did or said and feel justified in giving my opinion on every social media comment I find offensive. I really believe that’s it a trap to less intimacy with God. Our heart focuses on others instead of focusing on loving and worshipping God. We miss the daily grace God has for us. 

So, with that in mind I pray you will reconsider being offended. That your friendships and relationships stay pure. That you would be healed also as you “release everyone and everything to God.”

Stay in your lane, believe the best, and meet offence with kindness.

 #offense #runyourrace #kindness