Eulogize the Living
Eulogize the Living – A Thanksgiving that means it
Fifteen years ago, a short, sinewy, hunched over college professor fills the doorway of my office. What little hair he has left is pulled back in a messy ponytail held by an office rubber band. He leans over his wooden cane and his cardigan drapes over his thighs. It is November and students and faculty are about to leave for the extended Thanksgiving Day holiday. This professor was a frequent, welcome, interruption to my day. Nearer his nineties than his seventies, he loved to shoot the breeze with students around the halls and embraced pleasant small talk.
“Do you know why I like this holiday more than any other?,” He asks.
“Why is that?”
“Because it’s for everyone. There’s no religion, no ethnicity, and no race that created this holiday. Everyone can be grateful for something. Everyone is invited to the table.”
I don’t know if he is still working or even alive, but these words live on with me.
There is nothing uniquely Christian about thanksgiving. That’s probably the best part. Apart from the inevitable betrayal of the early-American colonies against the indigenous peoples and the ongoing violence committed by both sides, the origins of this holiday are rooted in humanitarianism and compassion. A moment, however brief, when people embraced other people and expressed their gratitude in word and deed.
As North Americans come to celebrate in this tradition this year, I am stuck on this question: Why do we need a holiday to do this?
I find myself in a season of goodbyes. A major life transition that is filled with grief and hope. The scales, however, have been tipped toward grief. We are losing connection and proximity with so many dear friends who are more like family. In this difficult time, I am being stopped, texted, and called over and over again by people wanting to say their last words, express gratitude, expel grief, and embrace me. I am doing the same. This is good, yet something irks me.
Why have they waited so long to tell me what they think, how they feel, and why they’ll miss me? Why have I done the same? Why does it take extreme loss or grief to force our honest and vulnerable truths to the surface?
Why didn’t I thank the dear old professor for his pleasant interruptions to my office work?
Why do we only eulogise the dead?
Consider:
1 Thessalonians 5:15-18 (NIV)
“Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always strive to do what is good for each other and for everyone else. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”
The holiday of Thanksgiving brings us into collision with family and friends that sometimes we would prefer to avoid (I am look forward to the Thanksgiving memes all year).
And while it is a non-Christian holiday, it brings us into the practice exampled for us time and time again by Jesus: eating together and sharing in friendship and love – even with those who may have wronged us or with whom we have major disagreements.
At The Last Supper, Jesus imparted the sacrament of communion. He expressed how desperately he wanted to share this meal with his disciples, his friends (Luke 22:15). He washed their feet and embraced them all – even Judas. Knowing He was about to die, he ensured he spent most of his final hours among his beloved friends. But Jesus also exampled a lifetime of this, constantly escaping the throngs of followers to be with His intimate few disciples. His first miracle at the wedding feast (John 2) bookends with his final meal and affirms the act of immersing oneself in the presence of friends and family.
Now, I am certainly NOT encouraging us to embrace some pithy mantra like, live everyday like it’s your last. Such challenges never motivate real change. I am not leaving you with a thought to consider, but an action take. An action I am taking in my season of goodbyes:
What would you say at your friend’s funeral and what is stopping you from saying it now?
Write it down. Sign the card. Deliver it today.
Don’t do this when you know you’ll never see them again. Do it when you know it will bless them. Do it because it’s true. Thank them for being who they – an image bearer of God who blesses you. Eulogise them. Praise their goodness and champion the unique ways they have enriched your life. Praise their character and accomplishments. Celebrate their life and story. Let them bask in the glow of your words as they still stand breathing.
Proverbs 11:25 (NIV)
“A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.”
Can you move beyond Thanksgiving?
Be generous in your words and risk the vulnerability of expressing gratitude and love. Jesus did this knowing many would never embrace Him.
Words about the dead sooth only the living, but an expression of gratitude refreshes those still with us.