Christmas can be an especially hard time of year. Trying to keep up with, what I perceive, others are doing easily and comparing their highlight reel with my lowlight reel can place feelings of inadequacy as a mother. Finding peace with my calling, my role and my season in life at such an intense season of present buying, gatherings, and memory making can be difficult.

I am no novice at this, and yes I have learnt a few things along the way. My children’s ages are 16, 13, 12, 7 & 3. I have learnt to pick and choose my capacity.

Some years it’s baking a fruit cake and others years it’s not.

A particular girl posted this on social media and I can relate to the quote;

“We we’re not given “special children” because we are “special people”. I am a completely marginal hot mess mom who is evolving and growing to be what her children need. I am the *you* you would be if your child had a disability, too.” @oceanicmama

If one thing I’ve learnt about social media, it’s both a delightful encourager and also a social trigger. It’s filled with wisdom, good laughs, positive feelings, and the “me too” people can be found. It’s also filled with perfect looking homes, children, style, bodies and FOMO. (Fear of missing out) the comparison trap is simply a post away.

In real life, the people I relate to the most are people who don’t appear to have it all together and I don’t have to explain what it’s like living with x4 children who have special needs diagnosis.

The people who turn up are fully present and have a laugh. They are who can hear the ups and downs of my life and not judge or cringe or think I’m too much.

I have a handful of cherished woman in my life who are my community. I value their wisdom, insight and respect their life choices. We can have free conversation on all topics and I’m not perceived as overly special or spiritual because I keep accidentally hitting all the niches in life.

(Foster mum, Stillbirth, FASD, ADHD, autism, IVF, infertility, ODD)

My relationship with Jesus is so important to me. Getting time to sit and pray and worship and admire Gods creation is so very important to my sense of well-being. Jesus has walked with me the whole way through my life. He understands my quirks, why I do and think and say things.

He delights in me and isn’t ashamed of me. He is mostly curious as to how I will outwork love in all things. I feel peace and joy in the Christmas season thinking about him.

My calling may not be in the lime light.

My calling may not be in church ministry.

My calling is right here and right now with my family and children and finding margin so that I’m not so stressed and anxious that I miss being present while looking at

another’s calling, ministry, opportunities and gifting.

I want to stay in my lane and love my husband and my children well.

One life verse I hope to live out is

“Therefore encourage one another and build them up, as you are already doing” (1 thess 5)

This verse encourages me to be an encourager of people, that I would choose to be the support and friend they need in life. That I would look for the good in people, I’d call out when I see good things in their lives and champion and cheer when other woman win in life.

That I will Pray and think of ways to bless them.

This Christmas my support people will look like family. Visiting extended family in New Zealand.

Making a way for my children to build special memories, to feel loved and safe and to learn about Jesus and why we celebrate Christmas.

If I could encourage you on one thing this Christmas. It would be to find margin.

Find margin to do what brings you joy and peace (not so you can declutter your house)

But so you can feel Gods delight.

Find margin to sit and sing. Find margin to breath and have a cup of coffee and laugh with a child. To put the phone down, skip the house work, bake the cookies.

Spend the time with your loved ones, the people who encourage you and support you and have the best for you in mind.

I hope and pray that you too can find peace with your calling. Peace with your people and peace with what’s in your hands right now in this Christmas season.

If you don’t have a support network or community of woman or friends, then I pray 2023 will be the year of encouragement, support, laughter and friendship and mostly peace to be and do exactly as you were purposed to do.

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Christians for Community