Marriage Oneness – Roles and Responsibilities

Before we get started I want you to stop and make a list of responsibilities you perform in your marriage.  Then make a list next to it and list everything your spouse does.  Now, share it with your spouse and see if you forgot anything and vice versa.  Chances are your spouse does more than you realize and often times your spouse doesn’t realize how much you do.  This part of our marriage oneness series will help you not only define those roles and responsibilities but appreciate them all the more.  Let’s check in with Tim and Lea Lundy for their take on this…

• How do you decide “Who does what” in a marriage?
  • Every marriage is a small organization.
    • To be organized means:
      • Each person has a clear role.
      • Each person has clear responsibilities.
      • All great organizations have this kind of clarity.
    • In marriage, confusion around the roles and responsibilities, or the unfair distribution of responsibilities to one mate over another, can quickly undermine a couple’s sense of oneness.
  • Three questions every married couple must answer for growing in Marriage Oneness:
    • Can we, as a couple, articulate to one another our specifics roles and responsibilities? (Common Direction)
    • Can we agree that the roles and responsibilities we each have are fair to us? (Emotional Connection)
    • Are we both committed to fulfilling these roles and responsibilities? (Mutual Commitment)

• The Bible and Marriage Roles
  • The Bible speaks to complementary roles for husbands and wives to assume in marriage.
  • The husband’s role is one of leadership.
    • In marriage, the Bible calls him the “head.” (Ephesians 5:23)
    • His role charges him to…
      • Love and sacrifice for his wife. (Ephesians 5:25)
      • Lead and protect his wife spiritually with God’s word. (Ephesians 5:26-28)
      • Provide financially for his wife’s freedom and security. (1 Timothy 5:8)
    • The wife’s role is one of support
      • In marriage, the Bible calls her a “helper.” (Genesis 2:18)
      • Her role charges her to…
        • Love and support her husband (Titus 2:4)
        • Energize her husband with respect. (Ephesians 5:33)
        • Makes a good home that encourages him. (Proverbs 31:27-28)
      • These roles work best in a marriage where both husband and wife are yielded to Jesus Christ
        • Without Jesus Christ, a husband will often lead selfishly and irresponsibly.
        • Without Jesus Christ, a wife will often undermine her husband’s leadership and discourage him.
        • Jesus is the key to proper role play

• The Bible and marriage responsibilities
  • Beyond roles, the bible is mostly silent when it comes to dividing up marriage responsibilities.
  • So how do you decide who does what in a marriage?
    • As a couple, make a list of all the work required to manage your home well.
    • Discuss who does what tasks the best and who enjoys certain tasks. Then match these with one another.
    • Whatever division of tasks you finally end up with, each of you should feel the division of responsibilities is fair and balanced.
      • There is no 50/50. You both need to give 100%!
    • Set agreed-upon standards for each responsibility.
      • Be realistic, not perfectionist, about those standards.
      • Consider the season of life you are in. Sometimes standards have to flex for a time.
    • Always be willing to step in and help your mate with his or her responsibility when necessary.
    • Never forget to express appreciation for each other’s work.

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