Marriage Oneness – Sexual Intimacy

I can see all of you squirming in your chairs as you read Sexual Intimacy in the title of this blog post.  However, I think/hope that by the end of this blog post you will have some tools and tricks to help facilitate a quality conversation with your significant other about your sex life.Tim and Lea Lundy do a great job of laying out the biblical reasons for sex and how to approach it in a healthy way.Ecclesiastes 9:9 - ⁹ Enjoy life with the woman you love all the days of your life that will soon be over. God has given you these days under the sun. This is the good you will get in life and in your work which you have done under the sun. (NLV)

• Sex is an Essential Part of Marital Oneness
  • Sex is a gift God has given to married couples to experience physical pleasure and deep emotional connection with one another.
    • Proverbs 5: 18-19
    • Song of Solomon 7:1-3
    • Song of Solomon 7:5-9
  • The Bible instructs a husband and wife to mutually satisfy each other.
    • 1 Corinthians 7:3-4

• Sexual Oneness Is a Life-long Learning Experience
  • A good sexual relationship requires that we become a student of our mate.
    • 1 Peter 3:7 – Husbands…live with your wives in an understanding way
  • There are few places where we, as husbands and wives, are more different than in our approaches to sex. 

• Understanding Our Differences
  • We have different sex drives
    • Most men have a persistent sex drive
    • Most women have a periodic sex drive
    • Embrace the differences
  • We are aroused differently
    • Men are stimulated visually and quickly
    • Women are stimulated relationally and slowly
    • Be understanding
  • We focus differently
    • A man’s narrow focus makes him difficult to distract
    • A women’s wider focus causes her to be easily distracted
    • Men can jump to sex as a new thing; women see sex as the continuation of all that has led up to this moment.
  • We have different needs
    • Men need sex in order to feel loving and affectionate toward their wives
    • Women need love and affection to feel excited about having sex with their husbands
  • We have different longings
    • Men long to be desired and affirmed in bed
    • Women long to be desired and affirmed before bed 

• Wise Moves Every Couple Can Make
  • Communicate with one another
    • Ask your mate to teach you how to best make love to him/her
    • Share with your mate your sexual likes and dislikes
    • Sexual communication will increase the likelihood of greater sexual satisfaction in your marriage.
  • Be safe in bed
    • Never force anything on your mate that he/she doesn’t want to do
    • Stay pain-free
  • Affirm one another
    • Compliment in the moment
    • Praise “right moves”
  • Keep growing sexually
    • Read good books to expand your sexual knowledge
    • Be open to new ideas and practices
  • Ask God to help you be the kind of lover who satisfies your mate. 

• Sexual Stumbling Blocks
  • Ignorance: Seek good resources! There’s no excuse for remaining ignorant
    • Sheet Music – Kevin Leman
    • Intimacy Ignited – Dr. Joseph and Linda Dillow & Dr. Peter and Lorraine Pintus
  • Selfishness: Don’t apply these lessons to your spouse; apply them to yourself. Be the best lover you can be
  • The Past: Guilt and shame over previous sexual relationships can make the bedroom the “most crowded room in the house.”
  • Pornography: It’s poison for a marriage. Don’t invite the world into your “safe” place, meant for just the two of you.
  • Pace of life: Prioritize and guard your sex life. 

• Sexual Oneness Energizes a Marriage
  • Be Committed to grow together sexually
  • Even small gains will pay rich dividends in your marriage

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