Jesus Over The Relational: Self Control
How is your relationship…with yourself?
It is interesting to consider that one of the great tasks of maturing is to become a self; an autonomous individual with your own unique identity, values, personality, strengths, weaknesses, behaviors, quirks, mannerisms, propensities, compulsions, sins and graces.
Depending on how you were raised, you may like yourself or hate yourself, and everything in between. It seems to me that Nature, Nurture and Culture deals us a hand and we are left to play that hand as best we can. Some people win the hand no matter how bad the cards they were dealt, and others get dealt great cards but still lose their hand. How can this be?
I have noticed that healthy people who are effectively navigating their way through this beautiful tragedy called life, seem to have certain attributes:
· They seem to not be mastered by either the external tides of circumstances or the internal waves of emotion.
· They are not given over easily to temptations and distractions.
· They have their eyes fixed on where they desire to go and what they must do to get there.
· They can prioritize the important over the urgent.
· They seem to be free of vice and addiction.
· They make choices in alignment with their values.
· Simply put, those who live well have mastered the difficult practice of self-control.
To be honest, I am no expert in the area of self-control. In fact, this is an area where I have historically been weak. I lived life as a victim from an early age due to a number of reasons; being exposed to pornography, alcohol, and various drugs in my teenage years. Sex, drugs, and house music were my escape from the pain of my past and my present. I regret to say I’ve lived far too much of my life controlled by my pain, my past, hurtful people, and patterns of coping that have not served me well. It was only when Jesus delivered me from a life of sin and dysfunction that I began to learn of another way.
Let me be direct: is there anything that has control over you today?
As I grew in my knowledge of the Lord and the Christian faith, I began to have a revelation that God made us in His image and gave us dominion in this life and over this creation. “Let us make mankind in our image, in our likeness, so that they may rule…”
Dominion means to have a domain of rule, sovereignty, or control. Just as a King reigns over a country and God reigns over the heavens and the earth, each and every human on this earth was given a domain that they should rule.
The first and perhaps greatest domain that you and I are called to rule over is ourselves. It, then, makes perfect sense why the Apostle Paul completed his list of the fruits of the spirit with the character trait of self control.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” Galatians 5:22-23
So… how do I have self-control?
Self-control is a tricky thing. If you are supposed to control yourself: who is controlling who? What self is controlling what self? This where we have to grow in understanding of our humanity, our psychology and our spirituality. Have you ever noticed if you just try to NOT do xyz bad habit you last a while on will power but eventually that willpower runs out and you lapse. Why is that? We could write an entire book on this topic, but let me give you a few key thoughts and an application or two:
Key Idea 1) We are Spirit Soul and Body
The bible clearly depicts that just as God is a triune being - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit - we too are three parts united as one: spirit, soul, and body. A simple question to consider in regards to self control is: which self is ruling you?
Key Idea 2) The Prefrontal Cortex
I’m a bit of a neuroscience nerd. The brain is fascinating to me. The Pre-Frontal Cortex or Prefrontal Lobe houses all of our higher executive functions like planning, decision making, regulating behavior, personality, social expression and considering consequences.
Key idea 3) The Flesh vs. The Spirit.
Paul urges us that, if we are to live for Christ, we are to live by the Spirit and not by the flesh. To me, this is very empowering because we get to choose what part of our life we focus on and live from.
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.” Romans 8:5-6
Bringing it all together.
If you have ever known an addict trying to get clean, you will know abstinence never works. You don’t just stop your addiction. You begin to live for something better. A free life, a sober life, a life devoted to family and others; something higher must take the place of addiction. Likewise, I do not personally believe there is such a thing as self-control. I believe that we must sacrifice the lesser self for the greater self. We choose to live from the prefrontal cortex making wise decisions, choosing good long-term consequences and living in line with our values rather than short term gratifications. We choose to live according to the Spirit of God rather than indulging the desires of our sinful nature. We let our true spirit inform our soul and body with a vision of who we want to be instead of letting our human hungers and passions drag us to and fro. We must reign over ourselves and make the lesser in us bow to the greater in us.
Application
“Without Vision the people cast off restraint.” Proverbs 29:18
Principle after principle making the case in both science and biblical faith that without something higher to pursue, our humanity will default to our sinful nature of animalistic urge and desire for comfort. The most compelling spiritual practice we can engage in is to have a vision of who God is calling us to be and then run after it.
Have you ever written a true vision for your life? Do you know your values that are non-negotiable for you? Do you have goals for the man, woman or family you desire to create? Or do you bow to the culture around you and allow yourself to be pulled around by the desire of others?
Your challenge: write a vision for your life. Who is the person you would be proud of being? The life you would be proud to live? The values you will not compromise on? Write your own eulogy. What would make your life worth living? If that seems too big a task, shorten the time horizon to 10, 5 or 1 year(s). Still too big? Who do you want to be next month?
Without vision people cast off restraint… but with a vision, people will live with self-control.
May God bless you as you pursue His vision for your life and grant you the gift of ruling your own life well, self-control.
#self-control #discipline #addiction #vision #mentalhealth