Forgive and Forget
To “forgive and forget”, as the well-known expression goes, is not that simple.
“Forgiveness” refers to the conscious decision to release oneself from feelings of anger and resentment harbored towards another person because of something that they have done. Some situations are easier to forgive than others, however, in more serious situations, forgetting the hurt which they have caused is much harder to move on from.
For Christians, forgiveness is vital as it plays a major role in our personal Salvation. In Matthew 6:14-15, Jesus highlights an important aspect to salvation:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” [NIV].
God’s character is love-centered and He created us to love Him and our fellow created-beings. This love was emphasized in the 10 Commandments (found in Exodus 20), when God provided us with instructions on how to love Him and how to treat our fellow humans with love. Ephesians 4:31-32 reads as follows:
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ, God forgave you.” - Ephesians: 4:31-32
As spoken of earlier, forgiveness includes harboring feelings of anger and resentment towards fellow man, contradicting the concept of love. In both the Old and New Testament, these emotions are heavily discouraged and the consequences, that is being separated from God and His loving character, are emphasized. Two examples will be given from each testament. Job 36:13 states: “The godless in heart harbor resentment; even when he fetters them, they do not cry out for help”. This point of anger is revisited in James 1:19-20: “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” Both these verses emphasize God’s strong standing on anger and resentment, due to it going against the perfect example of love and does not reflect God’s character at all.
As with most aspects of life, Christian’s view of forgiveness differs slightly to the norms of secular society. In the secular context, forgiveness is seen as something to do once you are personally ready and is associated with self-growth. It has become normalized to take a long time, if ever, to forgive people when they have wronged us badly. As always, the various forms of media encapsulate how society views a certain topic. Just like falling in love, falling out of love and breakups are major topics in songs and movies. While movies often lead back to reconciliation, music is a place with feelings can be expressed. Lyricists convey their regret, hurt and remorse as a result of broken relationships. Songs with the message centered around regret and apology often imply that they long for forgiveness and reconciliation from the other party involved, which seems like it will never be given. Conversely, songs narrated by the one who was hurt, such as the famous The Winner Takes It All by ABBA, clearly convey the resentment harbored towards the other party and how it seems too difficult to forgive them. However good these songs are, it takes away the importance of truly forgiving others in everyday life.
It is important to keep the Cross in mind every day. On the Cross, Jesus asked God to forgive those inflicting the physical pain upon them as they did not know what they were doing (Luke 23:34). The sacrifice made by Christ, considering the various types of pain He was forced to endure in addition to the sins of the world being placed upon Him, makes our reasons for resentment and anger pale in comparison.
Therefore, no matter how hurt we are, it is vital to forgive in light of God’s love. Through Christ, He can help us do wonderful things, including “forgiving and forgetting”.