Self-Awareness: Safeguarding Ourselves from Ourselves
If you have been part of the church for any amount of time, you have encountered, heard of, or witnessed tragic stories about what we call “moral failures”. This is a biggy in the life of church. It is one of those things that results in multiple casualties of the faith, especially when it is a leader, pastor or person of high recognition. This can result in absolute carnage in relationships, the congregation and even some denominations have been left flat-faced by moral failure occurrences.
When we hear the stories, it seems inconceivable that one who has been walking with the Lord for many years could live a double life. How could a pastor of a massive, thriving church be gripped by addictions, or consistent lack of integrity when it comes to handling church finances? How can it be possible that abuse can systematically happen amongst believers without any sign of repentance or change?
However, there are some everyday, inconsistencies that we are all tempted with in our daily dealings: white lies, unkind words or thoughts, gossip, over indulgence and so on. It is fair to say at some point every one of us lives in a way that does not align with our internal values, whether knowingly or unawares. It is a very “human” part of life.
I am convinced that there are not many people who set out to, or go out of their way to hurt others or blow up their lives with some of the examples of moral failing issues I have mentioned above. Nor do I believe there is a high number of Christians who feel content living a life that appears hypocritical or lacks integrity. The desire for most of us is to align our behaviour with our redeemed internal standards or values.
Self-awareness is the vehicle that helps us evaluate, reflect and compare our everyday behaviour [current lifestyle] to our internal desired selves. It is an invaluable skill and practice in the life of the believer. This process results in seeking, desiring and wanting transformation in the areas that we find gaps and holes in our character, behavior and impact in life.
Therefore, I'd like to suggest a working definition of self-awareness, as theammount and manner a person knows, understands, and sees their own motives, feelings, thoughts, desires, behaviors and character. Moreso that, being conscious of our own experience of who we are- individual personality - is arguably the most fundamental aspect of living called in all spheres of our lives. In a nutshell, how aware are you of all aspects of yourself on a regular basis.
Varying degrees of self-awareness are the distinguishing issues when it comes to growth and flourishing as a Christian. In the sense that, for example, we can all sit under exceptionally wise counsel for years but there will be differing levels of progress in every individual - because the true knowing of self is what helps us seek the change we need to advance/grow.
The good news is that God can help us be more self-aware in order for us to become who we are called to be - with regards to our lifestyle or outward/visible behaviour.
The scripture invites us to pray:
“Prove me, O Lord, and try me, test my heart and my mind”
- Psalm 26:2 ESV
This is an invitation for God to “search” us, to perhaps then help us look into who we truly are without self deception. The reality is there are many blind spots in our lives, parts of us that we don't see coming until they wreck complete havoc in our world. There is also a general lack of insight into oneself that is rampant in a generation who are on sensory overload: it is easy to have a huge disparity between who we think we are [or want to think] and who we actually are -[identity of substance vs identity of consciousness].
In our walk with Jesus, we can sometimes think ourselves more than we are in terms of strength of character. We claim all that the Word says we are [rightfully so]: the fruits of the spirit and more wonderful things the Words says we are, but sometimes the work is still in progress. Being unaware of this fact can trip us up.
“For by the grace given to me, I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgement, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.
- Romans 12:3 ESV .
The “sober Judgement” in this case suggests that one should be grounded and fully aware of themselves, where they are on the journey of faith, in their character and individual modus operandus.
Another place in scripture instructs us to:
“Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realise this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!”
- 2 Corinthians 13:5 ESV
The point is: there is a work of continual searching to build up self-awareness in order to facilitate growth and progress - it even asks, “do you not realise this yourselves”- as if to suggest that the intended audience was living in some state of oblivion which was obviously not serving the call and purposes of God in their lives.
Every Christian wants to “live well”, not perfectly, but in a healthy balanced way, that does not cause harm to themselves or others, yet we hear story after story of tragic issues that occur in the church due to various character flaws [perhaps]. I really believe we are so often tripped up by what we do not truly know about ourselves, the areas we overestimate or underestimate our flaws or abilities are landmines zones in life. My heart has so much grace for our fellow brothers and sisters who get caught up in the dark hole of lacking self-awareness where all kinds of undesirable things happen, moreover some are in the limelight hence become the face of “church hurt”overnight. I am convinced that none of these people “set out to mess up” as such, but that being blinded to our shortcomings for long enough can become a “self set up”.
The scripture advises that we:
“Keep a close watch on ourselves and on the teaching. Persist in this, for by so doing you will save both yourselfves and your hearers.”
- 1 Timothy 4:16 ESV
There is a “persistence” required when investing in the growth of our self-awareness that literally saves us from otherwise unnecessary injuries, hurts and possibly traumas. The scripture mentioned above says “keeping close watch,” which seems to say that continual introspection of ourselves both safeguards ourselves and those we influence. What could be a more important faculty and practice as we live called to serve God in all arenas of life. More than anything else, our personal lives are testimonies of what we believe and espouse more than the words that we say. However, this testament can be negatively affected if we don't live up to our personal or internal standards and values. Integrity matters! It bears repeating, most of the time it is not by intent or purpose that our lives are out of alignment but our lack of self-awareness is impeding us. If for instance, it were to be measured on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, where do you fall on the spectrum today? Where’s re you weak? Where are you strong? What are you blind spots? Where are the threats in your character? Where is you behavior not aligning with you faith? These are vital questions to consider regularly.
Obviously, being human means we cannot avoid mistakes or failure in some seasons, but being self-aware can provide safeguards from the unnecessary pitfalls, and soft landings when we do fall because one can somewhat “see it coming.” Self aware helps us to be able to see our warnings signs before the fall.
On a better note, we don't have to struggle of strive to become more aware of ourselves or live right because…
“For it is [not your strength, but it is] God who is effectively at work in you, both to will and to work [that is, strengthening, energizing, and creating in you the longing and the ability to fulfill your purpose] for His good pleasure.”
- Philippians 2:13 AMP
Living in a healthy community with other Christians is vital for increasing self-awareness. Being accountable,having friends, and/or wise counsel that can provide truthful authentic feedback on a regular basis is worth its weight in gold in the life of a believer. My time in bible college kick started this process for me. Though I was a late comer to meaningful friendships but ever since, I truly value friendships, family and a faith community that love me enough to bring some insightful, and sometime times painful truth to me about me.
Granted, it can be very difficult , if not downright scary to face our true self. It’s easy to fear there may more undesirable things to find than delightful aspects of ourselves; BUT it is worth the work it takes to deeply look into ourselves. As children of God we know that whatever we find, God will be the one who bares the burden of transforming us. Living in alignment with the redeemed, called, internal self requires a healthy degree of self-awareness and as I like to say: self awareness provides an opportunity for us to be rescued from ourselves.
Yes and Amen.